Another school term later...

Yes. My freshman year of college has passed by. Time seems to just fly, doesn't it? The lonely or boring hours you spend doing nothing makes time almost drag on endlessly, and in those moments it seems like the day will never end. But before you know it, another week has passed, then another month, then another semester, and year...

I can't believe it. It seems so far away that I was a freshman setting foot on Syracuse all by myself, saying a hard goodbye to mama and baba for the first time, and taking deep breaths and making wishes that I'd make friends quickly. I look back on those days that I didn't know my way around campus and had to carry around a map, and the days when I felt so small and insignificant, and so lonely because of the distance between me and my friends and family.

And yet, it only seems like yesterday when I was trying on my Disney Princess backpack for the first time and having my mama take my tiny hand and rush me to pre-school, only to be told by the teacher that we didn't have school on Sundays in America :). I still dream about being a child, dancing around in my tiara and grown-up shoes in the living room, back when life was really simple, and so carefree. None of those worries about the future, or responsibilities, or paying the bills, or whether you look all right. All worries consisted of only cooties and whether I had enough stick-on earrings to last me the rest of the week, haha.

Freshman year turned out to be a nice year. Not the best, but definitely not the worst. I think everybody has to go through a few scrapes and accidents in life before they find where they really belong, you know? Especially when you first start out in a new place. And you don't always end up where you thought you would. I'm talking about myself when I say this because I'm a crazy dreamer.

Anyway, that's all in the past now. I'm looking on to sophomore year and no more early mornings and guitar lessons (!) and living with friends and more good grades. I received four A's and one B this last term, so I'm pretty proud of myself even though I accidentally overdrafted on my debit card. :| Oops.

I actually just came back from CCCJR. God's a funny thing. I started out not wanting to go in the least because the youth program was for 6-12 grades; I thought I'd stay at a friend's house while my family drove to Estes for the weekend. But then I got trapped (I should say called, actually) into serving as a co-counselor and in the worship team with Mike, Sarah, Flo, and David Carter. And I'm glad I went, as always. The weather was so nice, and getting up in the mornings to appreciate the early-morning crisp air was a good experience. Qinqin got sick like always so she missed a lot, which sucked, and I didn't sleep that much, but it was enjoyable anyways. Our speaker, a young guy named Peter Henderson who actually went through the tragedy of Columbine, spoke about Hermeneutics and Exegesis, and the great part was, he actually made it interesting and relatable to both the sixth graders and myself. We got to talk to him at lunch once and he's so chill. Admittedly, we spent most of the time talking about amazing restaurants and Casa Bonita >.>...

And the kids were so cute. There were a couple of guys who we were like, oh, when they grow up they'll be so attractive! And I felt kind of pervy for saying that. Also, the little girls were so cute and they really do look up to us as mentors and role models. I feel pressure. Just kidding. I'm really pumped up for Camp Xroads now - I want to have my little group of CC-Campers!!!

Speaking of sixth graders, it's so weird when you ask them what year they were born and they go "1995." "1996." I FEEL SO OLD! I was born in 1989, man! Last of the 80's! I still feel like the 95'ers and so should still be in kindergarten. And none of them know, like, A*Teens or Power Rangers or Rubix Cubes. None of the things we grew up with. And they're all so fashionable. When I was their age I wore flowery leggings and matching sweatshirts.

The point is, God is good, and He knows what He's doing. We had so many nice moments at camp (which, weirdly enough, most of them centered around Mike - that guy is on speed all the time or something) with the worship team and things. I sung my heart out and played my heart out and loved it. I can't wait till I can play guitar too *pumps fist*.

When I was young, I always wished I could be a sophisticated, older teen. Always a daydreamer, I pictured high school, and the car I would drive, and the boy I would date, and the way I would look and act. But the funny thing is, I never made it in my dreams past prom. Never. I always stopped at around junior year, thinking anything beyond age seventeen was unthinkable - too old to fathom. And now I'm well into year nineteen, and even seventeen seems like a baby age to me. I've been to prom, I've graduated, and I've flown across the country to experience one full year of college already. I always thought after prom some lightning would strike, the earth would end, and I'd never get any older. But here I am, still standing on my own two feet, and as big a dreamer as ever. I sometimes wish I could go back to six year old Chen Chen, and bend down to my knees and ask her, did I do you justice? I know I'm not as perfect as you would've liked me to be. But, are you happy with who you turn out as? Are you excited to become this older you? This flawed, sometimes awkward, sarcastic, boyish, girlish, imperfect you?

No regrets. Here's to looking forward.

...and hopefully wiser,
chen.