Really, I can only blame myself for walking into these situations. I don't know what to do >___<. And I don't like it.
...Done it again,
chen.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
FUCK.
Really, I can only blame myself for walking into these situations. I don't know what to do >___<. And I don't like it.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Number the Stars...
You know something? I'm beginning to like just hanging out a lot more than doing big events that require energy. Maybe it's because I have about a week left before I have to leave for New York and college and all... but I'm finally learning the value of just spending time with friends rather than spending time around friends while doing other things.
I love to be around people. That's all there really is. If I didn't have anyone who I knew loved me and who I loved, I would probably die. I know a lot of people say that, but I think I've always viewed myself as so independent that to finally realize that I need people is almost preposterous. Maybe that frame of mind came from middle school, when I was terribly insecure and so not comfortable being me - or being in my own skin - that I withdrew into myself and said I didn't care about others for fear of being teased. I never expressed that I liked anyone, or that I was worried about my bad grades, or that I didn't like other's comments about my KP. I was afraid to let them in and let others see my weakness(es) or failure(s) because I didn't like myself: therefore, if somebody else other than myself were to voice disgust or dislike, I wouldn't be able to take it.
I hope that makes sense.
Now that I'm content being me, and that I like myself, I'm okay. I like people, I do. I'm still getting over the fact that it's okay to let my hair down once in a while and let people see my silly side, or the side that fails and struggles and gets rejected and cries out in frustration once in a while. I don't always have to be cool and composed. That's Ivo's job. It's going to take me awhile because I'm slow, but eventually I'll be 100% healed. I love you guys! *hugs the people*
Anywho... enough deep stuff. I still have to write about this year's experience at camp, but for now, I want to talk about what I originally started out writing: hanging out with friends.
Date: Sunday, August 12, 2007
Characters: Al, Lei, Tsai, & Me.
Setting: Al & Lei's rooftop
Time of day: Around 9-10 P.M.
Context: We'd just gotten back from dinner at Cafe Sky.
Mood Music: Xing Qing - Jay Chou
Activity: Taking pictures. Laughing. Listening to crickets. Stargazing. Laughing. Laughing. Talking. Singing. Balancing on the roof. BLaughing.
I don't know, it was... one of those scenes you always see Cali teenagers doing in the movies, but you don't really do in reality because, well, it's not realistic and it doesn't always seem 'fun' to the average, hyped-up teen. But really, it was one of the best times I've had in the whole summer. I loved it. Al brought his laptop so we could listen to music - mostly Jay Chou, esp. the song I have in 'mood music'. It was perfect. Whenever I hear that song now, I'll think about that night.
But I think the soundtrack to my life is the sounds of my friends' laughter. I can't even accurately describe how I was feeling... content? Greater than that. Just, it was bigger than words.
They say pictures are worth a thousand words, so here are a few I've edited:
1. This was before the roof, when we were eating dinner at Cafe Sky, a Korean restaurant. I didn't eat that much, but Al and Tsai ate like 6 bowls of rice! It was crazy.
2. We made a love sign with our hands. :) I love this picture; it's so artsy.
3. We were trying to do the Meteor Garden pose, except it took Al forever to figure out where to set the camera to take a picture of all of us. Since it was so dark outside, me and Lei had to test out the first two pictures just so he could see the frame.
It's our feet. :) It didn't turn out too well; I was trying my best to take a picture and put my foot in it at the same time.
We got it! The Meteor Garden pose, I mean. I just edited it a little to make it look more starry and awesome.
I think that's all I really need to say... I love you guys. Hugs all around - again! I haven't left yet, but I can't wait until we're reunited again in December.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return."
--Toulouse-Latrec, Moulin Rouge
& The stars are endless,
chen.
I love to be around people. That's all there really is. If I didn't have anyone who I knew loved me and who I loved, I would probably die. I know a lot of people say that, but I think I've always viewed myself as so independent that to finally realize that I need people is almost preposterous. Maybe that frame of mind came from middle school, when I was terribly insecure and so not comfortable being me - or being in my own skin - that I withdrew into myself and said I didn't care about others for fear of being teased. I never expressed that I liked anyone, or that I was worried about my bad grades, or that I didn't like other's comments about my KP. I was afraid to let them in and let others see my weakness(es) or failure(s) because I didn't like myself: therefore, if somebody else other than myself were to voice disgust or dislike, I wouldn't be able to take it.
I hope that makes sense.
Now that I'm content being me, and that I like myself, I'm okay. I like people, I do. I'm still getting over the fact that it's okay to let my hair down once in a while and let people see my silly side, or the side that fails and struggles and gets rejected and cries out in frustration once in a while. I don't always have to be cool and composed. That's Ivo's job. It's going to take me awhile because I'm slow, but eventually I'll be 100% healed. I love you guys! *hugs the people*
Anywho... enough deep stuff. I still have to write about this year's experience at camp, but for now, I want to talk about what I originally started out writing: hanging out with friends.
Date: Sunday, August 12, 2007
Characters: Al, Lei, Tsai, & Me.
Setting: Al & Lei's rooftop
Time of day: Around 9-10 P.M.
Context: We'd just gotten back from dinner at Cafe Sky.
Mood Music: Xing Qing - Jay Chou
Activity: Taking pictures. Laughing. Listening to crickets. Stargazing. Laughing. Laughing. Talking. Singing. Balancing on the roof. BLaughing.
I don't know, it was... one of those scenes you always see Cali teenagers doing in the movies, but you don't really do in reality because, well, it's not realistic and it doesn't always seem 'fun' to the average, hyped-up teen. But really, it was one of the best times I've had in the whole summer. I loved it. Al brought his laptop so we could listen to music - mostly Jay Chou, esp. the song I have in 'mood music'. It was perfect. Whenever I hear that song now, I'll think about that night.
But I think the soundtrack to my life is the sounds of my friends' laughter. I can't even accurately describe how I was feeling... content? Greater than that. Just, it was bigger than words.
They say pictures are worth a thousand words, so here are a few I've edited:
1. This was before the roof, when we were eating dinner at Cafe Sky, a Korean restaurant. I didn't eat that much, but Al and Tsai ate like 6 bowls of rice! It was crazy.
2. We made a love sign with our hands. :) I love this picture; it's so artsy.
3. We were trying to do the Meteor Garden pose, except it took Al forever to figure out where to set the camera to take a picture of all of us. Since it was so dark outside, me and Lei had to test out the first two pictures just so he could see the frame.
It's our feet. :) It didn't turn out too well; I was trying my best to take a picture and put my foot in it at the same time.
We got it! The Meteor Garden pose, I mean. I just edited it a little to make it look more starry and awesome.
I think that's all I really need to say... I love you guys. Hugs all around - again! I haven't left yet, but I can't wait until we're reunited again in December.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return."
--Toulouse-Latrec, Moulin Rouge
& The stars are endless,
chen.
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