The end of the beginning...

Aiya. I always delay posting on this because my entries always turn out humongously rant-y. The past few posts have horrible use of the English language and are all over the place. Let's start over.

CXR OH!EIGHT._ Camp is an experience every year. This year, however, was the first year that I was actually looking forward to going. From the years 2002-2007, I've just never been particularly excited about it despite the post-camp trend being I love it beyond belief. But this year, maybe it was because I was going to be a counselor and experience things from the flip side - or maybe it was because I was weirdly secure in my faith. Either way, I expected a lot out of CXR and once again, God has not failed to impress me in what He can do. My expectations and experiences were a little different than before because, yes, of the fact that I was a counselor. I got to know so many of the campers and in doing so found out that faith knows no age. Some of the tiniest little guys and gals are probably the most spiritually mature out of the whole group and just really blew me away. Their insights are just amazing to me, and I had a lot to learn from all of them. Which is not to say that my one-on-one's weren't exhausting, because they were, both physically and mentally. But, despite hearing ramblings of this-and-that guy and so-and-so bratty friend drama at school, I'm so glad to have talked to my girls. But one-on-one's, being Camp Mom on the hospitality committee with Annith, being on the worship team, being director/lead of the counselor skit, leading cabin time, mediating drama - that just sounds exhausting to say. I can't believe I did all that as a noob. The responsibilities got to be a little too much for me to really concentrate on God, but on Monday, I received my own overdue God time. Even on stage during the counselor skit, I felt Him there. In me, in the other counselors on stage, in front of us, all around us. Saturating us with His presence, all throughout the end of altar call to campfire. Amazing.

Our speaker Sam Oh, was, without a doubt, one of the most amazing speakers I think we have ever had. He was just the right mix between hilarious - to get some of the more tiao-pi guys to pay attention - and convicting. His speeches were just what I needed - a new spin on old talks, facets of God that I have never even thought of knowing before. I got to talk to him on a few occasions as well, and he's just generally a laid-back, great guy despite being Korean :P.

My warm fuzzies this year were also another thing I was really looking forward to. Can I just say I love love love them? Through the written notes I realized just how many people I touched with our counselor skit in particular (another thing I was so psyched for). We as counselors came such a long way with that one - from half the group being skeptics about whether we'd be able to pull it off or not, to executing it perfectly. I can't wait for Xiao to put the video up. Anyway, I carry the warm fuzzies around with me now. Yep. That's how much of a dork I am, lol.

Camp will never cease to awe me with what God can do. In the water balloon fights and the yuuummmyyyy mealtimes (even though I never got to do the eating contest with Leon - next year!) and the worship practices and the hi-larious skit nights and the early-rising counselor meetings (the last of which I never made it to thanks to exhaustion =_=), He just... He moves mountains. I just wish I could live up there forever, surrounded by my brothers and sisters, clear mountain air, good food, laughter, tears, and God. Is this a glimpse of what heaven is (minus the less-than-great cabin conditions, especially the showers)? If it is, that doesn't seem so bad to me.



Counselor skit cast. Greed, vanity, drunkenness, death, lust, God, and the human girl.

POST CXR OH!EIGHT._ Many BCEFCCECD counselor hang-outs ensue. We're a bunch of crazy Asians. The Tuesday after we got back from camp, we went straightaway to Pho Duy II. (Mmm...). I was trapped between Mike and Ray in the car. You can guess what happened. Mike read most of his 'grammatically [or politically] incorrect' warm fuzzies in a horrible Canto accent, Ray was giggling, I was dying, John was being sarcastic, and yea. It was bad. Then I made the stupidest sounding comment of my life which shall not be repeated here but involved a moving motorcycle on a highway (duh...). Glad I got to be of some entertainment value. ><

Pho was basically a repeat, as I was trapped between Mike and Ray again. I didn't even finish half of my pho T-T.

Two nights ago on Saturday, I drove up to Boulder by myself - getting lost several times on 28th Street that turns BACK into US-36 at some point... - for our counselor get-together (plus Brian, ha) at Katie's parent's restaurant, Five Spice. Attendees (so you know just how BIG our table was): Ann, Jeff, Big-Jack, Jackjack, Amy, Angela, Rayray, Connie, Drew, Jane, Brian, Teddy, Ivo, Wayne, Ken, Xiao, John, Katie, Mike, aaaand me. The food was gooooood. Except for that one fish dish that reminded me of the one I ordered at Chopsticks the night before I almost died.

Afterwards, we cleaned up, of course loitered in the parking lot for about 15 minutes, and then went to Chatauqua Park for a NIGHTHIKE! I know. I don't go hiking. IN fact it's pretty much okay to say I detest hiking with a passion. Plus I was in flip-flops with absolutely no traction. But when I say nighthiking, it's basically a code word for us being a group of LOUD idiots traipsing our way a quarter up a trail before deciding to head back and fool around on picnic benches. I wish somebody had videorecorded the whole thing.

On the way up, Jeff and Jackjack were singing a particularly annoying song, the rest of us were trying to drown them out by singing something-anything-else, and Katie and I were rapping Fahrenheit. Jackjack kept taking his shirt off because he got really hot. And then Mike would make fun. Halfway up, we lost half our group and then began making up completely retarded monster theories of how they got snatched, which sounds stupid told in the daylight, but in the dark with only four flashlights and the perfect setting for a horror movie, it was kind of frightening. People kept breaking off to go find the 'lost' and then never came back. When we dwindled down to about 8 people, we decided to hike back down to wait for the rest by our cars. The way down consisted of making fun of different Chinese accents, Big-Jack and I having a British accent war, making fun of Taiwan (much to the grumbling of Jeff), and more singing of really... weird... songs. And I had 'what-what-in-the-butt' stuck in my head. And Jackjack did some more stripping up top. So that came out at random times. It was completely exhilarating, plus I probably burned 100 or so calories in the process. And I wasn't even tired.

On the picnic benches, we said goodbye about 100 times but nobody wanted to leave yet, so we started playing Asian nerd games and taking pictures and joking and such. I think some of the more 'older' people (re: Tivo and Wayne) got a little annoyed by the 'younger' batch (re: US) being irritably noisy, so they disappeared someplace... And then at around midnight I drove back to Denver with Teddy in my car to keep me company.

My dad was pretty pissed when I arrived home at exactly 1:04 AM. Not exactly thrilled, to say the least. It was good times.

It sounds kind of lame when I write it all out, but when I talk about BCEFCCECD get-togethers, it's a you-had-to-be-there kind of situation. If you were, you'd either be laughing with us or at us. We should have our own TV show.

I guess, though, what I'm trying to say is I love these people. I really do. I mean, yes, sometimes I get sick of seeing Tivo, Wayne, and Xiao all the time, but when we're all together with everyone else I get this feeling in my ribcage, like, I just love you guys. All of you. And I wish we could just live in one big house and be together forever. Of course that's not possible now because we all have school and jobs and busy lives. But maybe someday when we're all old (old? GASP. I don't want to think about it.) and our kids don't want us anymore (even though I'm not having any), we can all retire in one huge mansion in Rhode Island or Florida or China/Taiwan instead of a nursing home. And then it'll be a party every day. That's one thing to look forward to when I'm old, anyway.

Tonight is Jane's bbq in Boulder, and I'm hoping mama will let me go. She wants me to spend some quality time with the familia before I head off to Syracuse again, but I just hoopppppeeee she'll let me go tonight. I'll stay home the rest of the week! (Or, at least, Tuesday Thursday Friday!). I love my family, but I also love my BCEFCCECD family.

I haven't even talked about what's going on with my girls from elementary-middleschool-HS. That's for next time.



Us being us.

...and the start of another beginning?
chensqrd

I want to fall facedown.

The other day, my sister flew into my room two hours before my natural waking hour (which is... well, let's just say it's obscenely late) to relate her horrifying nightmare to me. Despite my being pretty groggy and drifting in and out of sleep, I listened to my meimei describe the monster in her bad dream's face, and every detail of his glistening, black eyes and how she was afraid to go to sleep again the next night.
I could relate. We all hate nightmares - in my case, I still sleep with a nightlight because of night-frights. Yep. That's right. I'm nineteen years old and I sleep with a nightlight.

Anyway. As Qin bounced around on my bed, temporarily forgetting about her dream in other attempts to wake me so I could play, my mind started to drift as it often does (I'm a writer... it happens). I started to think about the level of which I feared nightmares, and for one moment hoped I wouldn't have one that night - but then a sort of existential thought occured to me next: even if I didn't have a nightmare that night, fine, but in my lifespan (unless I happen to die very soon) how many more nightmares would I have? Hundreds of thousands. Millions. Perhaps billions, if I'm so unlucky. Even if I made it through a whole year somehow without having one traumatic nightmare, what were the odds that I would make it through my whole entire life without at least another one of those closet-monster dreams? Dreams are totally out of our control - try as we might, we cannot control what our brain plays back to us in the state of unconsciousness. I don't care what those freaky mind gurus say, you can't condition your mind what to dream. Sometimes it works, but in general, you can dream anything, from fuzzy demented polygons oozing pus (a nightmare of mine that just sounds retarded when I retell it but is the most terrifying, recurring childhood nightmare I have ever had, and will unfortunately continue to have) to purple angels who fly around throwing bananas at people (that one hasn't happened yet).

Well, I thought to myself, if I can't control nightmares, at least it's nice that I control basically most other things in my life. How I do in school, who I date and befriend, what I do with my free time. But as all existential crises go, it seeped into the edges of my brief lull of happiness and made me think -- how much do I really control, though? Do I really control who my boyfriend is and the grades I get and if I choose to laze around watching TV or go outside and help my dad water the flowers?

As a Christian, I am taught that while everyone has free will, God also controls our destiny. He is the puppetmaster of our fate and how we turn out... okay, maybe puppetmaster isn't the best analogy because He definitely does not contain the morbid and slightly grim connotations that comes with the word 'puppetmaster'. We do not operate on strings and God does not dictate exactly when to move and what to do. I suppose a better phrase would be that God maps out the blueprint, the foundation, of our lives. If we choose to follow that blueprint and build our existence around what he has advised, is our choice. So, God may already have determined the man I will marry, but not whether I water the flowers or watch TV. (As in, God will never say "TEND TO THE GARDEN OR MY WHOLE PLAN IS THROWN OFF BALANCE" or stuff like that. Say it with me: TRIVIAL.)

Still, so many people are freaked out by the fact that our destiny is already, to a degree, pre-determined. It is a huge con that we do not hold our own remote controllers to ourselves, being the total control freaks that we are. We don't like the idea that we aren't in control because all of us, when it comes to this issue, are like insolent teenagers - we know best, we know everything, God knows squat, and he should give us free reign, because Father does not know best. This included me; I had so many doubts that an old senile Santa Clause incarnate knew what was best for me. I mean, what if He gave me a future job and career that I detested? What if He made me end up in a place in the world that I didn't want to be in? Most importantly (because I am finally okay admitting that I just like boys), what if I hated the person he chose to be my "The One"???

You know what, though? To hold out with us being like teenagers, that analogy comes with its own implications - that teenagers are foolhardy, that they don't in fact know best, and that their wisdom and knowledge extends to maybe the length of their pinky nail. I mean, how great are we, actually, that we think we can map out our own life if we've only lived and experienced one life, compared to God, who's seen and been through billions? If remote controlled devices held their own remotes, how far would they get when they can only see what's in front of them whereas we can see much farther and beyond, and because of that guide them the right way to hit minimal obstacles that flatten their little engines? I'm full of bad analogies today. My point is, God created us, crafted us, placed in detail the environment we would grow up in. How in the world would he not know what was best? We can only see a few feet in front of us, and nothing of the future, whereas he looks over the whole universe and knows the future and by doing so, can guide us by the safest route throughout life. I doubt I can even remember how to build a cell, much less a complex human being or an Earth. God is not senile, he does not look like Santa Clause, and he knows best.

It took me so long to figure that out. I was fighting Him for so long, getting caught deeper and further in the cloud that was dragging me down, drowning me, the barbwire hooks cutting into my skin amidst my struggle and taking pieces of me with it, and all I needed to do was stand still and let Him gently remove me from the net. I remember a speaker at Camp Xroads a few years ago saying that lifeguards aren't allowed to save drowning people until they stop struggling for themselves and throw their hands up. That's when the lifeguards go in and do their thing. Enough said.

It's still a daily struggle, especially in the area of my relationship with others. I am only beginning to trust God, and my hand has not entirely reached his outstretched one. My current flavor of the week (haha. not.) is a Christian (!) and part of his appeal is that... well, that he's Christian. I never thought I valued that in a man very much, but it was only after I became interested in one that when I see Him running after God that I'm so... I don't know. Touched? Moved? Well, he's Christian, yes, and I'm told we would be great together - but I don't know if that's God's plan. A part of me is just tempted to say "Go screw yourself, God" and pursue him until I get him or get coldhardrejected ><. A part of me is scared that he's not for me, that God doesn't think he's right for me, and that He won't give him to me. And that scares me, because as of right now, I would really, really like to have this boy, especially as I know he used to like me and is still attracted to me. The old doubt is beating at the back of my mind - that God doesn't know anything and I should just do everything in my power to get this boy as I can - but you know, whatever happens is God's will anyway, and I can't fight it. I can squirm around and maybe win this boy and go HA! But God will say, "My will be done" and maybe laugh a little at my silliness. I have to sit back and let whatever's meant to happen, happen.

Because despite my baby steps, I'm still fighting in the water a little bit, trying to save myself, but it's gotten to the point where I'm only weakly flailing around and about to give in because I know that it's useless. Seeing Him work in my life and in other's lives fills me so much with awe. I see Him saving others, and I want to give up and let him save me. I want to fall on my face and wait for Him to dust me off and hold me and say it's okay, as I know in my head He will undoubtedly do. I just need to feel it in my heart now. It does come to my heart and soul, but erratically. It comes in pangs and bursts, unknowing tears pricking behind my eyes at random times, like worship during a particular line in a song, or when I pray for my family in China, or when the brothers and sisters are just all together and I see us all growing, seeking Him as one. When it does come, I feel... full. I feel like bursting, like overflowing with joy something unspeakable.

I want that all the time. I want to fall down and be picked up. I want to fall facedown.

That's all. It's late, and I have work tomorrow.

Let Your glory shine around,
chen | summer

Another school term later...

Yes. My freshman year of college has passed by. Time seems to just fly, doesn't it? The lonely or boring hours you spend doing nothing makes time almost drag on endlessly, and in those moments it seems like the day will never end. But before you know it, another week has passed, then another month, then another semester, and year...

I can't believe it. It seems so far away that I was a freshman setting foot on Syracuse all by myself, saying a hard goodbye to mama and baba for the first time, and taking deep breaths and making wishes that I'd make friends quickly. I look back on those days that I didn't know my way around campus and had to carry around a map, and the days when I felt so small and insignificant, and so lonely because of the distance between me and my friends and family.

And yet, it only seems like yesterday when I was trying on my Disney Princess backpack for the first time and having my mama take my tiny hand and rush me to pre-school, only to be told by the teacher that we didn't have school on Sundays in America :). I still dream about being a child, dancing around in my tiara and grown-up shoes in the living room, back when life was really simple, and so carefree. None of those worries about the future, or responsibilities, or paying the bills, or whether you look all right. All worries consisted of only cooties and whether I had enough stick-on earrings to last me the rest of the week, haha.

Freshman year turned out to be a nice year. Not the best, but definitely not the worst. I think everybody has to go through a few scrapes and accidents in life before they find where they really belong, you know? Especially when you first start out in a new place. And you don't always end up where you thought you would. I'm talking about myself when I say this because I'm a crazy dreamer.

Anyway, that's all in the past now. I'm looking on to sophomore year and no more early mornings and guitar lessons (!) and living with friends and more good grades. I received four A's and one B this last term, so I'm pretty proud of myself even though I accidentally overdrafted on my debit card. :| Oops.

I actually just came back from CCCJR. God's a funny thing. I started out not wanting to go in the least because the youth program was for 6-12 grades; I thought I'd stay at a friend's house while my family drove to Estes for the weekend. But then I got trapped (I should say called, actually) into serving as a co-counselor and in the worship team with Mike, Sarah, Flo, and David Carter. And I'm glad I went, as always. The weather was so nice, and getting up in the mornings to appreciate the early-morning crisp air was a good experience. Qinqin got sick like always so she missed a lot, which sucked, and I didn't sleep that much, but it was enjoyable anyways. Our speaker, a young guy named Peter Henderson who actually went through the tragedy of Columbine, spoke about Hermeneutics and Exegesis, and the great part was, he actually made it interesting and relatable to both the sixth graders and myself. We got to talk to him at lunch once and he's so chill. Admittedly, we spent most of the time talking about amazing restaurants and Casa Bonita >.>...

And the kids were so cute. There were a couple of guys who we were like, oh, when they grow up they'll be so attractive! And I felt kind of pervy for saying that. Also, the little girls were so cute and they really do look up to us as mentors and role models. I feel pressure. Just kidding. I'm really pumped up for Camp Xroads now - I want to have my little group of CC-Campers!!!

Speaking of sixth graders, it's so weird when you ask them what year they were born and they go "1995." "1996." I FEEL SO OLD! I was born in 1989, man! Last of the 80's! I still feel like the 95'ers and so should still be in kindergarten. And none of them know, like, A*Teens or Power Rangers or Rubix Cubes. None of the things we grew up with. And they're all so fashionable. When I was their age I wore flowery leggings and matching sweatshirts.

The point is, God is good, and He knows what He's doing. We had so many nice moments at camp (which, weirdly enough, most of them centered around Mike - that guy is on speed all the time or something) with the worship team and things. I sung my heart out and played my heart out and loved it. I can't wait till I can play guitar too *pumps fist*.

When I was young, I always wished I could be a sophisticated, older teen. Always a daydreamer, I pictured high school, and the car I would drive, and the boy I would date, and the way I would look and act. But the funny thing is, I never made it in my dreams past prom. Never. I always stopped at around junior year, thinking anything beyond age seventeen was unthinkable - too old to fathom. And now I'm well into year nineteen, and even seventeen seems like a baby age to me. I've been to prom, I've graduated, and I've flown across the country to experience one full year of college already. I always thought after prom some lightning would strike, the earth would end, and I'd never get any older. But here I am, still standing on my own two feet, and as big a dreamer as ever. I sometimes wish I could go back to six year old Chen Chen, and bend down to my knees and ask her, did I do you justice? I know I'm not as perfect as you would've liked me to be. But, are you happy with who you turn out as? Are you excited to become this older you? This flawed, sometimes awkward, sarcastic, boyish, girlish, imperfect you?

No regrets. Here's to looking forward.

...and hopefully wiser,
chen.

...I am 11:59 A.M. Really?

"You are late-sleepy relaxation, the half-awake moment when you realize it's morning, but you don't have to get up, because there's no place you have to be. You are that cozy spot under the covers where everything feels temporarily perfect, even if you know you'll eventually have to wiggle out and start the day. Maybe you're the artistic type, who doesn't function well on a normal schedule. Sleep's important to you, and you like the freedom of sleeping as late as you want (especially since that is closely related to the freedom to stay up as late as you want). You like to roll out of bed, put on some comfy clothes, and get a laid back start to the day. If not everything on your list gets accomplished, no worries. Your only priority is having no priorities – you just want to take things at a slow, mellow pace."

A randomly taken quiz can describe a little bit of me perfectly! O_O

and you're my 12:00 PM,
chen.

What to say during perfect days...

今天的天气真的好美呵。。。Really, the weather was just perfect. I never say this about Syracuse weather, but today I felt like if it stayed like this all the time I could just move here.
It wasn't cold at all - in fact I think it was around 45, which was just good for a sweater and a light coat - and it was gray, but it wasn't dreary. It was more like a bit foggy and ethereal. And it was raining... but it wasn't. You know, when it's not dripping onto you and soaking you through, but as you walk you can feel the tiny dewdrops and mist sprinkling your face. It was so perfect. ^^

Also, my short fever is gone, I think. Take that, sickness! *Shakes fist* I think it really was Airborne who cured me. I don't like to take it, but... it saved me, so, 我感谢他才对！Yay, Airborne! My health seems so fragile these days, aiya, but, I'm just glad to have energy again and be 100% OK la. ^^v

I got sick because I was rushing for sororities all weekend, and standing out in the cold for probably 3/5 of it. Plus I'm losing my voice. After all this, I'm still not too sure if I want to pledge... at the end of the day you still aren't very genuine when you only have 20 minutes to sell yourself to a representative of a house. Hopefully I wasn't too fake... but I like AChiO and AZD and Theta. Hopefully if I get into one of those I'll be 100% sure. Ah, who knew rushing would be such a tiring process. ~~At least I made friends in my group! Vivian and Sarah and Emily and Liz. 爱你们啦！！！

I'm also now 19. We didn't do anything too big to celebrate because it was the day that rush started. At midnight I got mobbed by the hallway girls and on the phone and throughout the day I kept getting facebook/phone wishes, which was nice except now I have about 2000 facebook messages to return X-(. And after rush, Carrie, Mary, Ilka and I hung out in Carrie's room, ordered Chinese, and watched Aladdin and just talked. It was nice, I liked it :) I got curry chicken :3.

Cristiano Ronaldo's birthday is today! He's 23! Our age difference is still only 4 years, so I guess if Jiro and I don't work out... no! Don't say that! 加油！！ 晨晨加油！！！大东一定会爱上你的！！！


Heehee, I am very well today. The math test was also easy. Let's see how the rest of the week is, suddenly my huge workload isn't seeming so intimidating...

...& what can I say except, it's perfect.
晨.

Good to bad to good to bad...

What an odd day! I don't know if the good cancels out the bad or not.

First: I lost my I.D. last semester, the day before the semester ended, and I just know I left it in the dining hall. When I came back this semester, I asked around the front desk, and the dining hall, and everywhere people had no idea where it went. In the end I basically gave up hope and went to replace it yesterday: $15. But I was still worried that someone was going to use my original I.D. for the $150 on it. So today, when I go to check my mailbox... it's IN THERE. @_@. AHHHH. Grrr. I don't know why nobody told me... T-T.

And I can't refund my money either.

Second: When I was walking to class today I was walking behind a Chinese couple and their daughter who I guess were either touring or coming for her as a prospective student. I could hear their conversations and when they stopped to ask someone for directions to Newhouse their English was very limited, so I went up to give them directions in Mandarin. Suddenly, the daughter says to me, “喂，你不是那个渣子里面的模型吗？我认识你啊！！！”

I was like "Uh... wha?"

But she pulled out a Chinese magazine and flipped to an advertisement for water and it was me!!!! I was so baffled! It was one of my unknown advertisements my uncle had told me about and I was seeing it for the first time. O_O!

Then she asked me for my autograph!!! I was so stunned I signed my name wrong - completely not even my signature, I just printed the letters and waved a dazed goodbye.

And now I'm like DANG IT. Because I didn't even get the name of the magazine or anything. Sigh. But it just goes to say that if I really did want to break into the Chinese movie star thing it might not be that difficult/different. ^^

That's it for now.

...to good to bad to forever!
大东的晨晨

Our year is now over...

Amazing, how fast the years go by, isn't it? Before we know it, 2007, the year of my previously unfathomable high school graduation, is over and just a memory in our minds. And like all other years, 2008 is a chance for a new beginning, a new start, and let's hope that's how it turns out to be! I have a lot of work ahead of me this next year, I know I do, and it's both physical and mental. So 晨晨 -- 加油, 加油啦!!! Yea!!! *Pumps fist in air*

Break has been more than amazing and I'm a little sad to be going back to the dreary town of Syracuse. In all honesty, if I could just delete Littleton and make it Syracuse, Colorado, that would be fantastic. But I guess then I would never learn independence.

For Christmas, I got less presents than last year, but that's to be expected because my parents are paying for college. Plus I got a lot of presents from friends I never thought would give me presents! So it was nice. I have a lot of winter wear... ^^v

As far as China summer '08 goes, I don't know if we're going back anymore. Because tickets starting May, through August, are soo expensive due to the Olympics, so we as of now, the plans are still up in the air... I really hope we can! It seems unrealistic to say it anymore but I miss my family : (. My aunts and uncles got evicted from their homes because the government are building a mall there (!?! Stupid communists) so they all have new, complimentary apartments now. I'm really pissed at China, but I want to see their new homes. Even if it's not the same. (I miss my aunt's pretty Roman-style house... T-T).

Speaking of China...

Introducing Husband the Second: Jiro Wang | Wang Dong Chen | A.K.A. 大東哥哥
<-- 好可愛啦!~~~

He is leader of the Taiwanese boyband Fahrenheit (Fei Lun Hai).

<-- Fahrenheit


My dad brought back a consolation Drama for my sister and I to watch from China (in place of an absent Wallace Chung period drama he was supposed to have gotten for us...) named HanaKimi, starring Ella of S.H.E and Wu Zun & Jiro from Fahrenheit. And I thought Jiro was pretty cute but I didn't get that infatuated until one night when I decided to look them up on youtube for their MV's. And OH MY GOD. He's my husbanddd!!! He is perfect husband specimen for me. He sings (mmm, I love his voice), dances (really well), plays guitar (classical and e), raps, draws, loves to eat, has a great sense of personal style (hair & clothing!), and is a romantic ^^. Hubby-hubby, 我來了!!!!!!!

I was complaining to my friend Xiao over pho about Jiro one day (and the lack of him in Colorado) and he gave me a sudden hope! I had completely forgotten his aunt was a bigshot agent in China (she knows Jay Chou!) and our conversation went something like this:

Me: *something about meeting Jiro one day*

Xiao: Well, I'll talk to my aunt, and have you send some headshots and portfolio pictures to her. If she likes you, then maybe you can break into the industry.

Me: Like... acting!?! @_@

I already have a pseudo-model portfolio with plenty of pictures to send Aunt-of-Xiao, so now my happiness rests on their shoulders! If it happens and I needed to go to Taiwan for something big (like filming!), I would so take a year off from college.

HERE I COME!

On another note, spending time with friends and family has been funfunfun. My friends and I finally went downtown this year to 16th street mall to see the fireworks. There were soo many people! And when everyone was cheering together for like 10 minutes after the 'ball dropped' it was like magic. We saw a couple of 50-something women in sparkly revealing dresses completely trashed and vowed that that would be us in 40 years. Forget our husbands (unless of course mine is Jiro).

Break is over, and I'm homesick for Denver and shoeless-showers and pillowtop beds and family and pho and Chipotle and sun already. I leave in 3 hours to the airport (my flight is at 6 AM =_=''!) and I'll be counting down the days until spring break. Only six and a half weeks! This semester is going to go by really quick.

I still need to figure out a lot of things in college (I lost my ID! D:) like where I'm going to live next year and with who. Plus classes will be challenging. *Takes deep breath*

大家一起加油!!!~~~

...but a new one is just beginning.
大東 (will) 愛,
晨晨.

What Will from Now On be Known as Quite Possibly the Weirdest Night of My Life.

(Warning: This entry contains moronic, bordering on retarded, language. No usual witty banter will be typed. Blame goes to how shocked author still is from night the previous.)

Uhh, yea. That's what it'll be called. Because not a lot of things surprise me, so the fact that yesterday I almost fell over about six times and knocked myself unconscious because my knees gave way, should be indication of just how weirded out I was.

Let's start at the beginning: Friday Night.
Nothing was ever supposed to happen because I was supposed to be staying in for yet another weekend, writing my final CAS100 paper which was due the next day at noon. I'm almost done with my final argument at around 10 PM when Carrie texts me and asks if I want to come out with them. So I know I should be staying in, but I haven't been out in about 3 weeks and I'm DYING to have a life again, so I write HELLAS fast, thank god I'm already dressed from going to Funk'N Waffles for the Kappa Phi Lambda pre-rush earlier, and I get ready in 5 minutes and meet Carrie and Karen upstairs at 10:30.

We, Mary, Jenna, Ilka, a new girl Abby (who I <33!!!), and a few of Jenna's guy friends who I never bothered to get to know go to 736 Livingston (how do I still remember this...?) for a house party. The majority of the people there turn out to be architecture majors, as are my friends, and I'm the token Newhousie baby, but I don't care - I have a good time meeting people. They're serving this thing called Santa's Brew, which is lemonade/vodka/beer and sounds totally gross but tastes AMAZING, and of course I can't tell how drunk I'm getting, so I have a ton of those and like always I get sloppy and my inhibitions sort of flush themselves down the toilet.

At the beginning of the night I notice this really tall guy in a striped shirt, and Carrie tells me his name is Zach and he's newly broken up with his girlfriend (score!) and then I tell her "I want to hook up with someone before Christmas and he's really attractive!!" >_<. But I don't really think too much of it until I'm sitting on the couch with Ilka and Carrie a while later and he comes over and introduces himself to me. And then, you know how you can feel someone's eyes on you? Yup, that's what I MAJORLY get from him - but I've gotten that feeling wrong plenty times before, when they're actually not staring at me at all, and for serious I thought he was a bit out of my league so I don't get my hopes up this time and shrug it off.

A while later, my happy juice, also known as Santa's Brew, is really kicking in now, and after dancing on a tabletop with my friends, I really need to sit down. So I don't really remember, but I think I was sitting on the couch... or maybe I was just standing somewhere zoning out. Either way, Zach comes over and asks me why I'm not dancing. So then somehow I end up dancing with him for a couple of songs (ha, and I'm so gone I don't even care that he's a classic white boy in that he can't dance - but he tries anyway, which sometimes makes it worse) but then I have to sit down again because the room is now bouncing with me @_@. So I'm sitting there on the couch again concentrating on breathing when the girl next to me gets up, leaves, and then is replaced by Zach!


And I swear to Chanel that we talked, I promise we did for at least 5 minutes... I just don't really remember what it was about. I remember saying something to him about dancing, and he sort of grins at me, and the next thing I know, we're totally making out. And everybody was cheering for both of us? Ick, that sounds so stupid to say out loud. I hate making out in front of people. Thank you Santa for taking that away with your lovely little concoction.

He's really feely-uppy, for sure; I have to push his hands away from places we shall not name more than once. We're also on the couch for a long time; then he says he needs to go to the bathroom (think about it. I wonder what he was doing in there? O_O). But then I must've forgotten where he went because I'm socializing with Abby and looping around the house looking for boys for her and Karen, and then I think a while later I'm sitting on the couch, again, and Zach comes over to sit by me again and we just talk this time. I don't remember what it was about again. Yea, shut up. I think at one point we talk about MTV and his dad being the CEO (he was lying, dumbass) and him building my future house? And uh, we also witness Ilka and Zach's (HOT may I add) friend Scott hooking up. But then Mary pulls me up and says we're going to TKE, so I go to go get my coat--but it takes me awhile to find it because I spend about 10 minutes in the wrong room (guh) and when I finally come back downstairs she and Jenna and Karen and Abby have left already, so I just go back into the couch room. Zach is sitting on the table, and he pulls me over, kisses me a few more times, we sit on the couch again, and then Carrie and Zach's other friend Dan hook up and basically tumble over onto my LAP (awkwardddd!!!!).

Wait. there's another point in time somewhere where we kind of are holding hands when I'm talking to Abby, but I don't remember where it fits in. And some of those times on the couch might be fictional, because we might've been sitting on the table or standing up or something. Everything's kind of fuzzy...

Anyway, so then the six of us go down to TKE (how weird is that... three of us, three of them, all of us have hooked up. Great.) Zach gives me a piggyback part of the way cuz it's icy and I don't want to fall down (which I would have had I walked) and once at TKE, we dance some more, hook up a lot more, and drink water until they kick us out. Then we're at the sidewalk in front of Shaw talking, and Zach is being really flirty but I'm really tired so we finally part ways and I hit the hay.

Phew. That was Friday. Now for the weird part.
So yesterday, I become friends with Zach on facebook, so naturally I'm at his profile browsing around (I'm not a stalker, seriously. -__-.) when I see on his mini-feed that he's just become friends with Allie, one of my friends who lives two doors down from me. I'm sort of confused, but I don't think too much about it later until I'm talking to her roommate, Michaela, and she tells me that Allie hooked up with 'some tall kid' on Saturday night at a Christmas-themed party.

All of the sudden, I put two and two together and FREAK out. I don't even know why; and it's definitely not because I'm jealous or whatever. I'm just so stunned that some random guy hooked up with me and and my hallmate in one weekend. What are the chances of that even HAPPENING!? How are we recycling men already - we're freshmen! There's at least 300 freshmen guys - how did we end up with the same one? Allie's not in her room so I can't confirm it, but I'm so weirded out that I can't concentrate on COM107 anymore and when Lauren posts pictures from Saturday night and I see them, uhh yep, Allie and I hooked up with the same guy. When Allie gets back to the dorm, I talk to her, and turns out she already knows because Mary was there (along with Jenna) Saturday night, she saw her and Zach hooking up, and Mary told Allie about Zach and me yesterday morning at breakfast. We end up talking about it, and Zach was really touchy-feely with Allie too - in fact, he gave her a great big hickey on her neck. She didn't like him so much. All of the sudden, the 'Zach breaking up with girlfriend recently' isn't looking so attractive so much as he is all of the sudden trying to console his newly single status with having crazy sex (okay, not sex) as much as he can.

When I text Carrie, she says she already knows too - which basically means everybody knows, except the rumor going around is that Zach hooked up with me and my roommate, which is virtually worse. So I ask Carrie if I should text Zach to see if he knows, and she says I should, so I do.

This is our conversation. To be documented for my future reference, so I can look back on it and get weirded out (I really need a synonym for this phrase) all over again:

Me: Hey it's summer (I have his #, he doesn't have mine). So umm I was wondering if you knew that allie and i live 2 doors down from each other yet.. ahaha

Him: Oy vey

Me: Haha yea. whatevs its cool

Him: lol this is pathetic im telling you this but i have hooked up with a total of three girls all year (but he had a girlfriend so I don't know why he thinks that makes him a loser - unless he thinks all guys are expected to fulfill some sort of hookup status quo, no matter if that entails cheating?) (1)

Me: **o,O o,O Heh.. heh.. okay, make a joke because I have no idea wtf to say still** Haha and two of us are in the same hall! Oh no =P

Him: HahaHaha

Me: **>_> <_<>** Haha i dont know what to say..** I'm sure you'll find.. a lot more? Hahaha

Him: Haha na im really not like that just had soo much work all year and finally had a chance to go out a lil

Me: **...I'm going to bed.** Ha i'm sure ;) well no worries, just check yourself next time haha and we'll probably hang out again soo see you soon

Him: yep yep if i dont see you before break have a good break n stuff ttyl :)

Me: **.............'Yep yep'?** (no answer)

(1) = In the middle of wondering when this turned into a confessional with me as the priest, Michaela comes rushing into my room asking if Amanda has Ace bandages because Allie might've broken her wrist sledding. Also, around the same time, Ivo calls because I had called him after I found out about Zach and Allie, so I have to tell Ivo I'll call him back, fly around my room looking for Amanda's bandage and tape, and run over to Allie's room where everyone's telling her what a trooper she is (and she is). After the medic comes and gets her, I answer Zach, call Ivo, have to call him back three times so Zach doesn't think I'm ignoring him after he just basically gave his secret out to a stranger - even though Ivo keeps telling me not to answer him - and the night ends with me trying to study for Japanese all the while thinking that maybe I might've hooked up with a three year old (albeit a very attractive one) on Friday night.

I'm going to contradict what I told Ivo about having no emotions and say that I feel sort of bad for Zach; I kind of want to see him again before I leave so he can forget this nightmare and we can be, err... friends? But with finals happening throughout the week I doubt it will happen.

Why do things like this happen the week before I leave for somewhere else for a very long time? I guess all written out it doesn't seem like that big a deal, but shit was hitting the fan for a full three hours last night at full force, excuse my language.

After all this, you finally get to see what he looks like.
And ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Mister Zachary Goldstein:



And that was very long. I need to stop thinking about it.

...or maybe my life is just weird,
chen | summer

Bridge to Terabithia... or somewhere just as fantastical

Aiya, I haven't updated in a long time again! And now, who'da thunk it, it's almost the end of my first semester at college (13 days, 22 hours, 55 minutes, and 22 seconds to be exact, and I'm counting). Where do I even start? Perhaps with the fact that college was not at all what I expected, and yet it was everything I was expecting (does that even make sense to me!?! I think if I don't put in at least one paradox in my life somewhere, it'll all come falling down worse than London Bridges).

I think, in a sense, that I was expecting to 'own' Syracuse, just as I sort of do Denver. In my little Denver bubble of life, I am completely comfortable with everything - the people, even strangers; the places, even if I get absolutely lost on Colfax (hm... okay maybe that's taking it a little too far)... and I knew where to go for everything, my schedule was always filled up, pho and boba and Chipotle were always accessible, and I was just... it was my niche. I actually won't be surprised if I end up living there when I get older, despite the lack of perfect men there. Okay, correction: after I get married to PERFECT MAN I will move back to Denver. Denver was so laid back. I loved the vibe.

When I got to Syracuse, I expected everything to be the same -- maybe a little grungier, but essentially, for me to be the same outgoing, outspoken, opinionated sarcastic eccentrically funny girl I was even though I was yanked out of my comfort zone. So when I didn't immediately find 'my homies', I freaked out. I wish I could be like those girls you see who is friends with everyone, and really chill, but doesn't have a best friend or a particular group she hangs out with, but doesn't care or need friends, either. But I need friends. I need my group of girlfriends, so when I couldn't find one within the second day, I was ready to pack my bags and go home. I don't know why; all I knew was that I was suddenly unhappy and I couldn't figure out why I seemed to be so different from everyone here. Perhaps if you took all the same people and plonked them right in central Centennial, I'd've been the life of the party all the time, but all of the sudden I found myself being impossibly awkward and alone.

I think I overreacted, and if I chilled out, I could've seen that everybody was probably feeling the same and kept my reputation of being 'cool' or whatever. I mean, I think everybody is scared of college, at least at first. Obviously you have the few superhumans who seem completely unaffected by their surroundings and who just 'walk in the light' (hahaha, thank you She's the Man) and seem to be right in their element no matter where they are. I applaud them, but usually, there's just something so daunting, however popular-athetic-tanned-smart you are, to place someone in a completely new atmosphere with just these words: "Good luck. And... go. And----go. GO."

But instead of realizing that everybody probably went into college with the same sentiment as me, I was too caught up with finding my best-friends-forever's right away that I was too quickly disappointed with the trial-and-error groups I hung out with and sometimes I even smothered my true personality under a facade of bland vague perkiness. Blah. It's so retarded to think about now.

I know everyone thinks this but I wish somebody had given me a crash course on "how NOT to act around new people in Syracuse". I mean, I would seriously hang out with people and feel virtually boring because I had nothing to say - I felt like I had to fill up all the silence with my nonchalant chatter that every other girl seemed to be able to produce and all I was coming up with was BRAIN FARTS. That NEVER would've happened to me in Denver. I mean, I talk wayyy too much in the homeland. So I would be going to lunch or going out with a bunch of girls from wherever and I'd just be thinking to myself the whole time, "think of something to say, think of something to say, oh em gee you're so retarded, retarded... GAH." And I'd soo want to tell everybody that "I swear this isn't who I really am, I'm so much fun in real life, I don't know why I'm like this here" and then I'd be exhausted from being mentally masochistic.

Maybe I was intimidated by Syracuse as a whole, so I felt that everybody in Syracuse was intimidating too. I don't know. Plus, I got sick about 4 times during the semester; I got tonsillitis on Halloween and called my mom crying because I felt so sick (but I think I used my sickness as an excuse to cry when I was only actually lonely). I missed out on Halloween day, Homecoming weekend, and apparently 'the best night ever' as far as frat parties go.

But the other thing was, this group of girls in my hallway, self-dubbed ACLS, adopted me after the first week into their group of five (well, actually, four [notice there are 4 letters in their group name, not five], because one, the other four didn't actually like [but who I like - ha]) and I was so grateful that I molded myself to be like them. And then after a while, they just got to be so condescending, and manipulative, that I was obsessively counting down the days when I could just go home and cried in my room a few times and dreaded the weekends because they were such a haters clique. It was like I had been assigned to the wrong hallway. I wanted to move out anywhere else. ACLS weren't mean to me; on the contrary, they appeared nice. But they would exclude people, they only liked each other best, and the four would just constantly pick up and then drop girls and talk about them behind their backs. It made me paranoid. After a while I couldn't stand it at all, so I stopped hanging out with them. I'm glad I don't have to trick myself into thinking that they're my friends. I mean, they probably talked about me behind my back. Do I care anymore? No. Whatevs. We can be frenemies. Plus the guys they hang out with are annoying and fugly. They really are. I hate the guys they hang out with (the "third-floorers").

The funny thing is, I like each of them (well, ALS, not C. C, I'm sorry to say, is just an ugly person on the inside, which is such a shame because she's so pretty on the outside) separately, but when you get them all in a big group, they like, feed off each other's negative energy and explode DOOM onto other people. You have to have an ego the size of Goliath before you interact with these people.

(I know. As of now, college seems like a total nightmare. But onto the turning point......)

But God has a funny way of working. It was only by hanging out with them that I got to know a girl, Mary, from another dorm down the street. When, the weekend before halloween, ACLS ditched me, I texted Mary to whine a bit and she instantly invited me to join her group instead. And the Saturday of October 29th when I went over to her dorm and met her group of friends was probably the happiest day of college I've had. Mary, Carrie (who is the only one who doesn't live in that dorm -- she lives in MINE!!!), Ilka (fellow Chinese *pumps fist*), Karen, and Jenna remind me so much of my group at home that I almost want to look to the sky to see God saying 'I told you I'd come through in the end'. I mean, it's much too early to tell if this will last, but something in my bones says it will. I feel so much more like myself around them. October 29th was like taking a breath of fresh air after being underwater for so long, not being able to see or hear or move properly, slowly drowning all the while (how's that for you metaphor nazis, HA!). We've hung out for a few weekends now and every weekend is so much fun. The only difficult thing is that I don't have any classes with them whatsoever and can't really see them during the week. But I always have hope, as crazy as that sounds because of how cynical I am. College has made me gain hope. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

On top of that, Thanksgiving weekend I got to go home and it was... so good. So good. It was like I had never left. Everything just picked up where it left off... and standing in the airport, waiting for my mom to pick me up, tears of relief was streaming down my face, because I was home, I was smelling the Denver atmosphere, I had made it through college hell, and I had pulled through to the other side with new - but hopefully (see? HoPe) solid - friends to help me onto my feet again.

AHH. I've been rambling for about 4958374968 pages and I haven't even talked about classes at all. Whatever, though. Classes were fine this semester. I especially loved how I never had to go to Chinese, just show up once every three weeks or so for a test which she never graded - just gave me a big fat A+ on the top of my paper (ah, Chinese favoritism... ^_^v). COM107 was tough and kicked my ass, but that's okay, it was a learning experience. I also joined the student-owned TV station - CitrusTV - in hopes of padding my resume. I'm so not looking forward to next semester though - 17 credits, two 8 AM classes ><, and one of them is a MATH which I vowed never to take again. BAH HUMBUG.

I'm joining (possibly) a sorority in the spring. I relied on that, actually, to get me through the unhappy days, because I'd say, 'well these people don't matter anyway because I'm going to get into a sorority and make lifelong friends there, not with these girls. They're just space-fillers'. But I don't know which one to join - maybe Kappa Phi Lambda, the Asian sorority? I don't know, I dunno if I can stand being around Asians 24/7.

As far as the boy department goes, let me just say that first, platonic friendships with guys are SO MUCH EASIER than ones with girls. I get along so well with guys (just not the moronic third floorers). I wish girls would just get a grip and stop being catty and start burping and making weird jokes and scratching their butts and talk about sex in front of each other like guys do. As far as romantic interests go, um... when they say you meet all sorts in college, you do. I have about 6 stalkers and I DON'T KNOW HOW because HERE is something that never happened to me before in Denver! I think the most I had back home was 2 guys at a time who liked me, but never 6 and never the same intensity as they do here!! It's RIDICULOUS. Most of them are Asian, and about 10 guy's interests were short-lived (as in, do me tonight or I forget you - pff who needs those sorts) but I have never felt so flattered. Which is not to say I am hooking up with everyone like crazy, cuz I actually haven't with anybody. Weird, eh? I'm just not interested in any of them. Even though 2 of them are crazy good looking (ONE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE TAKESHI KANESHIRO FROM HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS!!! I had opportunity to get him in my room twice - he offered - and I said no. *smacks forehead* Maybe that's for the best though).

College... is such a weird pseudo-life that will probably sooner or later become my half-real life. I'm not used to it right now, but I'm glad I've made it through the storm for now and was able to hold onto the edge of the ship, as many nails as I broke in the process. It's still a bit daunting to me. Lately the smallest 'mushy' thing - stories of friendship, of perseverence, of integrity - makes me want to cry. I don't know why... maybe it's because I know what it is now, that I went through it. I've never valued friends, family, my life, or mom doing my laundry for me as much as I do now. Speaking of friends, one night during Thanksgiving break I was driving Daren back home and she said, "I haven't found my best friend at college yet, but it always cheers me to know that I still have you, and Alex, and Lissa, and even Claire to fall back on in Denver." I wish I had found and relied on that. Perhaps it would've saved me instances of feelign like I wasn't enough, or something. But maybe I had to go through that to know that I don't 'own' Syracuse.

On October 23rd, I wrote a text message to nobody when I was in my room with the lamp on doing homework listening to the wind outside. It's still in my drafts, and it says this:

"I'm halfway convinced God is purposely making me live with people I don't like and work to find best friends as a test of endurance. I'll get through it... I swear."

I'll probably be deleting that draft soon, because God answered that call just 6 days later. God's got a sense of humor, I'll tell you that.

Syracuse still isn't perfect. I don't think it'll ever become my Denver niche (or maybe it will?), but it's still good. I feel like, if I ever am in tears, I have people to go to. And now, when anyone back home asks me how college is going, I can finally hold a real smile, look them in the eye, and say truthfully, "It's great."

...13 days, 21 hours, 53 minutes, 2 seconds. And counting...

...fantasy isn't all it's cut out to be (sometimes it's just reality in disguise),
Chen (Summer).

FUCK.

Why do I always do this to myself? I swear I can't survive a single summer without creating some sort of melodramatic blast into my otherwise-uprighted-again world. I always blow it at the last minute. And now I'm caught in the middle, in too deep, noplace to turn except down. I was really never the type to have 'dirty little secrets'; that was one aspect I never thought could change simply because I am a show-and-tell type of person - I can't hold things in. And now I am in the midst of something that, if people found out about it, a lot of them would end up hating me.
Really, I can only blame myself for walking into these situations. I don't know what to do >___<. And I don't like it.

...Done it again,

chen.

Number the Stars...

You know something? I'm beginning to like just hanging out a lot more than doing big events that require energy. Maybe it's because I have about a week left before I have to leave for New York and college and all... but I'm finally learning the value of just spending time with friends rather than spending time around friends while doing other things.

I love to be around people. That's all there really is. If I didn't have anyone who I knew loved me and who I loved, I would probably die. I know a lot of people say that, but I think I've always viewed myself as so independent that to finally realize that I need people is almost preposterous. Maybe that frame of mind came from middle school, when I was terribly insecure and so not comfortable being me - or being in my own skin - that I withdrew into myself and said I didn't care about others for fear of being teased. I never expressed that I liked anyone, or that I was worried about my bad grades, or that I didn't like other's comments about my KP. I was afraid to let them in and let others see my weakness(es) or failure(s) because I didn't like myself: therefore, if somebody else other than myself were to voice disgust or dislike, I wouldn't be able to take it.
I hope that makes sense.

Now that I'm content being me, and that I like myself, I'm okay. I like people, I do. I'm still getting over the fact that it's okay to let my hair down once in a while and let people see my silly side, or the side that fails and struggles and gets rejected and cries out in frustration once in a while. I don't always have to be cool and composed. That's Ivo's job. It's going to take me awhile because I'm slow, but eventually I'll be 100% healed. I love you guys! *hugs the people*

Anywho... enough deep stuff. I still have to write about this year's experience at camp, but for now, I want to talk about what I originally started out writing: hanging out with friends.


Date: Sunday, August 12, 2007
Characters: Al, Lei, Tsai, & Me.
Setting: Al & Lei's rooftop
Time of day: Around 9-10 P.M.
Context: We'd just gotten back from dinner at Cafe Sky.
Mood Music: Xing Qing - Jay Chou
Activity: Taking pictures. Laughing. Listening to crickets. Stargazing. Laughing. Laughing. Talking. Singing. Balancing on the roof. BLaughing.

I don't know, it was... one of those scenes you always see Cali teenagers doing in the movies, but you don't really do in reality because, well, it's not realistic and it doesn't always seem 'fun' to the average, hyped-up teen. But really, it was one of the best times I've had in the whole summer. I loved it. Al brought his laptop so we could listen to music - mostly Jay Chou, esp. the song I have in 'mood music'. It was perfect. Whenever I hear that song now, I'll think about that night.
But I think the soundtrack to my life is the sounds of my friends' laughter. I can't even accurately describe how I was feeling... content? Greater than that. Just, it was bigger than words.
They say pictures are worth a thousand words, so here are a few I've edited:


1. This was before the roof, when we were eating dinner at Cafe Sky, a Korean restaurant. I didn't eat that much, but Al and Tsai ate like 6 bowls of rice! It was crazy.
2. We made a love sign with our hands. :) I love this picture; it's so artsy.
3. We were trying to do the Meteor Garden pose, except it took Al forever to figure out where to set the camera to take a picture of all of us. Since it was so dark outside, me and Lei had to test out the first two pictures just so he could see the frame.


It's our feet. :) It didn't turn out too well; I was trying my best to take a picture and put my foot in it at the same time.



We got it! The Meteor Garden pose, I mean. I just edited it a little to make it look more starry and awesome.

I think that's all I really need to say... I love you guys. Hugs all around - again! I haven't left yet, but I can't wait until we're reunited again in December.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return."
--Toulouse-Latrec, Moulin Rouge

& The stars are endless,
chen.

sugar and spice...

I think my friends and I are characters from Sex & the City (my absolute favorite show... well, one of them).

---

Carrie Bradshaw: Daren Fischer

Samantha Jones: Lissa Brandl

Miranda Hobbes: Meichen Yu

Charlotte York: Alejandra Venancio

In other news, I think I'm going to bake myself some treats.

Clockwise from top left: pink meringue drops, dried cranberry shortbread hearts, meringue heart ice-cream sandwiches, and valentine's day cake. mmm.

...and everything nice,

Chen.